Today I found myself in the center ring. There I was at a place I have been several times before, of juggling pins, keeping them all in the air gracefully, and keeping my eyes on this juggling act. And I can keep this going effectively for awhile. Even as pins bobble and nearly hit the ground, smiling so it looks easy, looking at God and saying, "I'm doing it. I'm doing it all. This is what You want, right?" These metaphorical pins can be anything-- a clean house, fulfilling relationships, a high level of health and fitness, being pleasant and useful in the workplace, and being an upright member of the church-- but we all have the pins we juggle hoping God will like them, and we will gain some kind of approval.
And that is when I drop one. When I start referring to it as MY life. When I forget step one: die to myself. Every day, I need to die to myself to live for God, but over and over I forget.
Today I let one of my pins drop. Nothing major happened in my life today, but even sometimes the small things can remind me that I don't have it all together. I was not meant to. One area of this is my work. If you know me or have read this blog even one time, you know weight loss and health are big in my life, and I want to do everything I can to help people achieve their goals. It's a major passion in my life; however, the minute my own health or someone else's becomes about what I can do, I've lost it. I've dropped the pin I'm juggling. So to pick it up, I lose sleep. I resolve to try harder. I shed tears. I think and worry about it constantly.
And then I seek the Lord's face, and He lovingly says, "what took you so long?" And I set my pins down. No more juggling. My arms are free to embrace the Lord that way, and suddenly it's not about me at all.
1 Peter 5:6-7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
He is enough. He is sufficient. And it's not about me.
So what pins do you need to lay down so you can embrace the Lord today?
This is a great post, Saroh. All the time I find myself relying on myself, thinking I can do things my way. Then when I see the mess of my life I have made, I finally turn to the One who created me, loves me, and is always there faithfully waiting for me. My loving God. I am SO thankful that He doesn't just turn away from me, tired of me not relying on Him and only on myself. He is a loving, gracious, merciful, and forgiving Father, who loves me no matter what. For that I am so thankful. Thanks for opening my eyes to that, today. I love you.
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Mom